Websites That Barely Ever Update.

Seriously, why can't every blogger take their blog as seriously as I do and post every......................

oh wait. Last post was August.

I KNOW, I'M SORRY. Promise I'll update more often.

Over Enthusiastic Couples.

Omg luv u do much bby!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Not as much as I luv u sweetie pie!!!! :* <3 <3 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

BLEUGH. DON'T MAKE ME SICK.

Maybe I'm just cynical and unromantic, but there is something about couples that really irks me. Don't post your lovey dovey stuff all over my newsfeed. Don't stand there in front of me with your PDAs. Don't call each other cringe worthy names like "honey" "baby" or "sweetie" in my presence. Don't snog in the cinema. Don't give those creepily intimate hugs in public. Don't hold hands at all times even when it's getting impractical. Most importantly... DON'T BE 12. You're not in love, you're a first year.

"Fun" Size Sweets.

Here's a useful picture to show you what I'm talking about...

That little one at the bottom? That one you can barely see? THAT'S THE FUN SIZE ONE.

I ask this in all seriousness... WHERE IS THE FUN IN LESS FOOD? I can't decide if the person that came up with this particular campaign should be bludgeoned to death for such trickery, or knighted for his evil genius ways. I raise my hand in respect for Mr Fun Sized, as how on Earth he actually managed to sell the idea "less food is more fun" to everyone, I'll never know. (When I say I'll raise my hand in respect to him, please note that it will probably be done with the middle finger standing loud and proud. I said he's a genius, not that I liked him.)

Predictive Text.

I SWEAR TO GOD IT'S OUT TO RUIN MY LIFE.

I'm just going to jump right in with 100% real life examples that have actually happened to me (probably to my phone's great delight)...

Meant: "I hate moustaches"
Wrote: "I have moustaches"

Meant: "It comes out" (no that is not what she said. it's taken out of context)
Wrote: "It BONER out"

Meant: "Needle in a hay stack"
Wrote: "Needle in a gay stack"

Meant: "They had amazing duck pancakes"
Wrote: "They had amazing fu... ok, you get the drift of where that one was going.

DO YOU KNOW HOW AWKWARD IT WAS TRYING TO EXPLAIN MYSELF AFTER SENDING THOSE HORRORS? Bet my phone was chuckling at my misery.

Posing With "The Middle Finger".

It's really unattractive. Not once in my life have I seen a guy stick the finger up and thought to myself "My my, I would like to bear his children."

What's it even meant to show? That you're bad-ass? Ooh I quiver in fear at the person with an erect finger. That you don't give a damn about something? Ah of course, you don't care so much that you took the time and effort to take a picture of yourself to show it. That you're angry? Grrr I know the feeling bro, sometimes I get so angry that I can't help but raise a finger in rage.

It makes me sad when attractive guys do it... for example, Ville Valo.

So beautiful

and yet

So unattractive :(

Anyone who knows me will know how big my obsession with this man is, so if even he's made unattractive by flipping off, what do you think it does for you? Please stop, it's not big and it's not clever.

People that overuse the winking " ;) " face.

STOP IT. IT GIVES EVERYTHING YOU SAY A SEXUAL FEEL AND CAN TURN ANYTHING INTO A SEXUAL INNUENDO.

Let me just give you my interpretation of phrases that include an unnecessary winking face...

"hey ;)" = "I'm naked."
"how're you? ;)" = "Are you naked?"
"I'm good thanks ;)" = "Yep, I'm naked and I like it."
"what you up to? ;)" = "Are you doing something whilst being naked?"
"nothing much ;)" = ... well I don't want to go into specifics, but whatever it is you're doing, you're doing it naked.
"you're so pretty ;)" = "You'd be prettier naked."

The list could go on, but I think you all get my drift...

Obnoxious Guys That Shout Obnoxious Things.

I think I speak for all of my fellow females when I ask...

Why oh why do guys think it's cool to shout out "Show us yer knockers!" or "Get yer *ahem... lady parts* out fur da lads!!!!"?

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Do they honestly expect us to be like "Why of course kind stranger, let me just whip my top off for you without a moment of hesitation!"

I genuinely do want to know they expect the outcome to be... are they really that deluded with illusions of their own grandeur that they expect women to respond in any other way than confusion? WHAT MAKES THEM THINK WE WILL OBLIGE?!

Also... there's never actually enough time to do as they say. Not saying I ever would do it obviously, I'm just saying. Even if I was prepared to flash my... well... whatever gender specific body part they requested, the time it would take me to take my top off/pull down my trousers and pantaloons, they'd have long sped off in their old beaten up car.

Stop it. It's not big and it's not cool.

Boredom Eating.

If I'm going to hell, then it's most certainly for the sin of gluttony. *update* after quickly googling the 7 deadly sins, I must add that my last statement was completely incorrect. I'm also going to to be damned for sloth, wrath, greed, pride and envy. Ooh hey that's 6/7 (I'm working on lust, the only reason I haven't is because I don't deem anyone to be suitable. If I was living in somewhere like Paris it'd be a whole different story). You know what, I think the 7 deadly sins may get their own special blog entry.

ANYWAY, back to boredom eating. I've been on study leave for the past month (ha.. "study"), which has led to me having a whole lot of free time. As I'm a fairly uninteresting person, this has left me bored a good many times. Now, apart from singing loudly to myself about hot people (it gets lonely ok?!?!) and other shallow things, this has forced me into a whole new meaning of bad eating. Firstly, there're all the many thousands of trips to McDonalds (seriously... Extra time between exams? McDonalds. Lots of time after exams? McDonalds. No food in house? McDonalds. Cheap, sociable eating? McDonalds. Celebrating end of exams? McDonalds. Lots of spare time with no exams? MCDONALDS.), and secondly there's the amount of time milling around the house doing nothing, which inevitably leads to the fridge. Let me take you through a typical day...

• Wake up at about half 10.
• Sluggishly walk in my just-woken-up state through to my living room for a spot of pre-study television, accompanied by a hearty bowl of cereal
• Watch tv until my lack-of-study guilt is sufficiently high, then make myself a rousing stack to give me the energy required to... well, sit still at my desk for hours.
• Get some study stuff out, look over it for a bit then decide to reward myself with lunch
• Return to my "studying", then decide I need a little something to keep me going to I return to the kitchen in hopes of finding something tasty
• The rest of my family come home so I shall eat a sociable snack with them
• Tea time whoop.
• Can't go to bed on an empty stomach, so supper it is...

That's 7 different eating occasions. Plus that counts as a productive day, as at least I got to the point of actually taking some study stuff out. Usually it's more just wake up, eat food and graze solidly for 14 hours, sleep. 

I'm almost wanting to go back to school, just for the mere sake of my health...

When You Run Out Of Toilet Paper.

... doth it need an explanation?

Forgetting What You Were Going To Say.

It happens to all of us. You're in the middle of a conversation and you're suddenly hit with this fabulously witty comment/brilliantly intelligent point/burningly important question/amusing story and when the time finally comes to release your brilliance to the world, your brain is like "lol i forgot, soz. :$"

This happens ALL THE FREAKING TIME to me, and I'm usually left sitting there like a gormless seal, making noises like "uuh, eeh, aaah, hmmmm, eeeeeerm..." and awkwardly laughing for a minute to tide myself over, before finally having to admit I've forgotten what I was going to say. At which point the conversation has died and the air is thick with the stench of awkwardness.

Scumbag brain.

The Fact That I Can't Think Of A Sneaky Way To Promote My Makeup Tutorials On The Blog.

...but you know what? SCREW IT. MY BLOG, MY RULES.

so guuuuuuuuys... I happen to do makeup tutorials on youtube.. and y'know... it would totally be amazing if you checked them out.

Here's my first one, "Easy Gothic Vampire Makeup"...

and my second, "Simple Romantic Makeup"...

And hey, whilst we're at it, here's a link to my channel... *cough*subscribe*cough*

DarkSecretLovex

Ok, I do apologise for being totally douchey and self publicising on an unrelated page but... If it's any justification I advertise this blog on my channel?

Hope you enjoy!

(p.s I'm still an angry person, despite the smiley girl you see in the video.)

Cold Tea.

*Please note, this is different from ICED tea, which is in fact a credit to man's endeavors*

I'm talking about when you have a lovely cup of hot steaming tea, and you leave it sitting for a while then return to find it a horrible cup of steaming COLD tea.

As an esteemed and avid tea drinker, this happens to me ALL THE FREAKING TIME. I can't stand it. Oh the bitter disappointment when the cold substance of evil hits your mouth... (that's what she sai... NO. There'll be no smutty jokes here.)

When Good Things Come To An End.

This post is dedicated to the fabulous skive subject of Digital Media Computing which I have been doing for the past two years. Today the last ever lesson, and it's got me a little sad. I'm totally going to miss it; 3 periods a week of next to no work, picture taking, videoing, aimless browsing, gaming and blogging. It's been so much fun! I can't believe the two years are up already. It makes me :c

Sorry this hasn't been a funny post, but I felt it was needed as the blog was actually created as part of the course work (for the blogging unit). Big thank you to Mr Tait for making DMC mildly interesting, and for actually trying to teach us.

And so good bye to the fun and easy Standard Grade courses and hello to the horrible Higher... bleurgh.

Looking Like A Super Model When You're On Your Own.

Seriously, this ALWAYS happens to me. Why why why why why is it my hair decides to sit perfectly when I'm just about to go to bed? Why why why why why is it I apply makeup brilliantly when I'm not going out? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?

Maybe that's why you get "Ladies of the Night", and not "Ladies of the Day". They probably just look too bad.

Maybe I should just become nocturnal...

wHEN tHIS hAPPENS.

sERIOUSLY, HOW ANNOYING IS THIS? yOU TYPE OUT A WHOLE PAGE AND REALISE all OF IT IS ACCIDENTALLY CAPITALS. wHEN WILL MICROSOFT/APPLE/WHATEVER MAKE A FUNCTION THAT UNDOES IT?

i ONCE WROTE AN ENTIRE PARAGRAPH OF AN ESSAY LIKE THIS. i PRACTICALLY CRIED.

Half Of The Characters On "Gossip Girl".

PLEASE, DO NOT GET ME WRONG. I LOOOOOOOVE GOSSIP GIRL. I'M TOTALLY ADDICTED AND IT'S ONE OF THE BEST SHOWS EVER. Plus Ed Westwick is beauuuuuutiful.

It's just that the characters make such bad decisions. They constantly lie to each other and make horrible schemes against each other, and almost always it just makes things worse. They're all such bitches! Sometimes you could really slap them. Especially when your favourite couples break up for no god damn reason.
Oh and they're all exceptionally moany. You're rich and gorgeous. Shut up.

That's all I really have to say about it, because I'm still a huge fan and I still love it.

And so I leave you with a picture of the cast looking all glammed up and moody...

Aren't they pretty? Even if completely photoshopped.

XOXO

People That Constantly Talk About Their "Haterz".

First things first, you do not have "haterz", you have people that dislike you for valid reasons (one of them probably being because you always talk about your supposed "haterz").

Only celebrities (and annoying ones at that) get to talk about their haters, because it's true, a lot of people will just blindly "hate" on them for the crack. You however, are not a celebrity. So you do not get to refer to the people that don't like you as haters.

The very definition of a "hater" is:

A person that simply cannot be happy for another person's success. So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person. Hating, the result of being a hater, is not exactly jealousy. The hater doesnt really want to be the person he or she hates, rather the hater wants to knock somelse down a notch. If you are a normal person, then you will hardly ever come across people like that. Well actually that's a lie, there's always that one douche that hates you for no reason, but even so, that means you have a hater. NOT PLURAL. Stop thinking you're actually important enough to have lots of people hate you for no reason.  The only time you may use hater is if you're making a "haters gonna hate" picture, e.g... That is all.

The Fact Everyone Knows Who Gotye Is When I. KNEW. HIM. FIRST.

I'll be the first to admit it, I turn in to a raging hipster when it comes to Gotye. But he is mine, and people are stealing him from me. I knew "Somebody That I Used To Know" a good... 2 weeks before everyone else. Which clearly gives me rights to complete ownership.

My favourite Gotye song, "Hearts A Mess". IT'S JUST SO GOOD. All those who say they love him because they know Somebody That I Used To Know, LISTEN TO IT. Then talk to me when you're a real fan.

The Fact That I'm Not Yet Married To Keanu Reeves.

Yep... Not much more can be said here.

Guys That Take Topless Pictures Of Themselves.

If there's one thing in life that screams "I'M A HUGE DOUCHEBAG", it's having topless pictures of yourself on facebook (or any other other social media website, but lets be honest, if you're on bebo then you're most likely someone equally irritating, and therefore deserve a topless idiot).

Seriously, showing us girls your "awesome body" online is not cool, it just makes us cringe and think "put it away". STOP THINKING PEOPLE CARE. We don't.

It's funny when said douche has then tried to cover his vanity by captioning it "HehE lOL iM s0 BoREd -_-" or something of the same ilk. What kind of excuse is that?! Of course, when I'm bored, the very first thing I think to do is take a picture of myself.

Unless you are a model, celebrity or an utter babe (and by utter babe I mean Keanu Reeves) then I expressly forbid you to take a picture without adequate clothing.

NO.
(taken from a most excellent website, wheresthedouche)

Guys That Call Girls "Baby".

Ah, how romantic. I just love being referred to as something which is bald, chubby, dribbly, has no control over it's bowels/bladder and is completely dependant on others to survive.

Aw. <3

People That Need To Learn More Gooder English.

If you are above the age of 5, then this level of grammar is simply unacceptable. Constant mistakes I see all over the internet and sometimes even at school are:

Apostrophe Mistakes, such as...

• You're/your
• We're/were 
• I'll/ill
• Hollys(plural)/Holly's(belonging)

Heterograph Mistakes, such as...

• Allowed/ aloud
• Too/ to
• Write/right

And mostly just really stupid mistakes, such as trulley (truly), pacific (specific), yous (made up plural of "you") and a varitey of others.

Ok I apologise, this post wasn't very funny. I guess that's the beauty of this blog, it's angry, funny, and educational. ooh yeah.

Websites That Are Blocked For Absolutely NO Reason.

I'm talking about the fact that in school, my blogs have been blocked under the catagory of Swimsuit/Lingerie/Models (Global).

WHAT.

Seriously, WHAT?

Sure, if my blog was blocked on grounds of profanity or something similar, I'd wear it as a badge of hilarious honour, but the fact that it's swimsuit/lingerie/models (GLOBAL, not just British. Oh no, on my blog which is apparently filled with naughty underwear models, I have hotties from all over the world.) is just ridiculous...

Albeit mildly entertaining.

February.

Actually, I have nothing against the month itself. I just get annoyed with how it's spelt.

February. FebRuary. Who on God's Earth actually pronounces that first R? I know I don't. (Actually I know a lot of people do, but this is my blog, not their's.)

I'm pretty sure it's only recently gained the first R. Surely I can't have gone through my whole life spelling it "Febuary"?

PpLE WhO wR1t3 LyK dISS!!?!?!11

For those of you who CAN'T read that (And I'm guessing that's the vast majority of you, which is why it's on my blog), it says "People Who Write Like This".

Seriously, why? It takes twice as long to write, AND to read. Plus it makes you look stupid.

Da 0nLEE TyMe u $HoUlD wR1t3 Lyk Di$ iS iF uR t@kiN' dA m1cK!!?1?11 oK bBe?! <3 xoXoxOXxox <3 <3 OXxo

Are we clear? Good.

Stairs.

A few days ago I fell up a set, and it has now rendered me a limping limpy person.
This makes me angry for 2 reasons...

1. It hurts. A lot. And believe me, everyone knows. When I'm in pain, a dark cloud of profanity shall follow.
2. I now have a bit of a "swagger". I can't walk properly on my right foot, which means I have a smashing limp. IT. LOOKS. TERRIBLE. I can't fathom why anyone would deliberately walk like this.

#swagwalk.

Escalators all the way I say.

From Belligerent Beginnings...

Well.

I decided there were so many things in the world that annoyed me, and I had so many amusing thoughts to share about them, I simply had to do something about it. So here it is, my blog on insignificant things that irriate me.

Join me, and feel free to get angry at the same time.