And so I return, with my head bowed and my tail between my legs...

Sometimes, one makes promises they simply cannot keep.
Sadly, updating this blog was one of them. However...

FEAR NOT MY BROTHERS, FOR ON THIS DAY, THAT SHALL BE THE CASE NO MORE... no ok I'm sorry, I've been watching Game of Thrones and ye olde Medieval speak is rather addictive.

Short and short of it is that I'm going to try and update more frequently. It saddens me how I abandoned my beloved blog so readily.

So... see you all next year when I write another apologetic post for the lack of activity!

Websites That Barely Ever Update.

Seriously, why can't every blogger take their blog as seriously as I do and post every......................

oh wait. Last post was August.

I KNOW, I'M SORRY. Promise I'll update more often.

Over Enthusiastic Couples.

Omg luv u do much bby!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Not as much as I luv u sweetie pie!!!! :* <3 <3 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

BLEUGH. DON'T MAKE ME SICK.

Maybe I'm just cynical and unromantic, but there is something about couples that really irks me. Don't post your lovey dovey stuff all over my newsfeed. Don't stand there in front of me with your PDAs. Don't call each other cringe worthy names like "honey" "baby" or "sweetie" in my presence. Don't snog in the cinema. Don't give those creepily intimate hugs in public. Don't hold hands at all times even when it's getting impractical. Most importantly... DON'T BE 12. You're not in love, you're a first year.

"Fun" Size Sweets.

Here's a useful picture to show you what I'm talking about...

That little one at the bottom? That one you can barely see? THAT'S THE FUN SIZE ONE.

I ask this in all seriousness... WHERE IS THE FUN IN LESS FOOD? I can't decide if the person that came up with this particular campaign should be bludgeoned to death for such trickery, or knighted for his evil genius ways. I raise my hand in respect for Mr Fun Sized, as how on Earth he actually managed to sell the idea "less food is more fun" to everyone, I'll never know. (When I say I'll raise my hand in respect to him, please note that it will probably be done with the middle finger standing loud and proud. I said he's a genius, not that I liked him.)

Predictive Text.

I SWEAR TO GOD IT'S OUT TO RUIN MY LIFE.

I'm just going to jump right in with 100% real life examples that have actually happened to me (probably to my phone's great delight)...

Meant: "I hate moustaches"
Wrote: "I have moustaches"

Meant: "It comes out" (no that is not what she said. it's taken out of context)
Wrote: "It BONER out"

Meant: "Needle in a hay stack"
Wrote: "Needle in a gay stack"

Meant: "They had amazing duck pancakes"
Wrote: "They had amazing fu... ok, you get the drift of where that one was going.

DO YOU KNOW HOW AWKWARD IT WAS TRYING TO EXPLAIN MYSELF AFTER SENDING THOSE HORRORS? Bet my phone was chuckling at my misery.

Posing With "The Middle Finger".

It's really unattractive. Not once in my life have I seen a guy stick the finger up and thought to myself "My my, I would like to bear his children."

What's it even meant to show? That you're bad-ass? Ooh I quiver in fear at the person with an erect finger. That you don't give a damn about something? Ah of course, you don't care so much that you took the time and effort to take a picture of yourself to show it. That you're angry? Grrr I know the feeling bro, sometimes I get so angry that I can't help but raise a finger in rage.

It makes me sad when attractive guys do it... for example, Ville Valo.

So beautiful

and yet

So unattractive :(

Anyone who knows me will know how big my obsession with this man is, so if even he's made unattractive by flipping off, what do you think it does for you? Please stop, it's not big and it's not clever.

People that overuse the winking " ;) " face.

STOP IT. IT GIVES EVERYTHING YOU SAY A SEXUAL FEEL AND CAN TURN ANYTHING INTO A SEXUAL INNUENDO.

Let me just give you my interpretation of phrases that include an unnecessary winking face...

"hey ;)" = "I'm naked."
"how're you? ;)" = "Are you naked?"
"I'm good thanks ;)" = "Yep, I'm naked and I like it."
"what you up to? ;)" = "Are you doing something whilst being naked?"
"nothing much ;)" = ... well I don't want to go into specifics, but whatever it is you're doing, you're doing it naked.
"you're so pretty ;)" = "You'd be prettier naked."

The list could go on, but I think you all get my drift...